Breastfeeding

So, this topic was bound to come up wasn't it.

Now, before I start, I just want to say I have absolutely nothing against bottles. Infact, my 5 year old was bottle fed. I breast fed him my colostrum because I knew it was good for him, but ultimately, at the age of 20, I didn't want to be handing my boobs over so soon. I wanted to feel like me as quickly as I could. As far as I saw it, my body was for me and my partner, not my baby.

Looking back, I do wish I'd have tried breast feeding a bit more but I know I wouldn't really have had the patience or support to do it.

Nobody I knew had breastfed. Every woman I'd ever known had always used bottles, so it was a bit of a strange thing to me back then.

This time, I live in an area where I get loads more support and i've spoken with mums who are breastfeeding or who have in the past, so at least this time I kind of had an idea going in what it would be like.

Nothing prepared me for how hard those first few weeks are though. Nobody told me just how close I would feel to wanting to give it up. When I was surviving on pure adrenaline the only thing that kept me going was the guilt I knew I would feel if I switched to bottle. I knew I was giving my baby the best there was and I also wanted to prove I could do it to those I knew doubted me.

I got an email a couple of weeks ago, asking if I was interested In doing the christmas shifts at work this year. I work on a temp basis so they randomly let me know when they need me and I can take or refuse the work. As it's christmas, and we're not exactly well off, If we're to give our boys some decent presents it means me going back to work for 4-5 weeks. But the type of work I do, means I'm unable to express while I'm there. I'm not really into expressing as it is. It makes me feel like a cow and it's already hard enough for me to switch between nurturer and wife at the click of a finger.

So we've opted to partially wean onto formula. It's not something I really wanted to do, but I would rather be able to spoil my well behaved boys this christmas and feel a little guilt than stay at home and feel even more guilty that I can't provide financially!
I chose the lesser of evils.
I started Indy on one bottle of formula a day in the morning and now we're up to two. I have ended up loving breastfeeding now so I'm quite gutted when I have to give him formula but at the moment it's for the best. He'll be on his formula just for the mornings though as I should be home from work a little after 1pm and then we go on to pure breast for the rest of the day and night.
I'm hoping that it's possible for me to re-establish those feeds in the new year though i'm not sure how it works. We'll see.



I wrote a post some time ago that I was planning on breastfeeding and that there was a lot of people around who didn't want to see mommies feeding their babies.
I first had to breastfeed outside a while ago now, but I was really nervous and was paranoid everyone was looking at me!  I was in a Starbucks in the corner and nobody even noticed what I was doing except one of the staff members who saw but didn't say anything.
The next time I had to feed him, I was nowhere near any cafe and didn't know where to go for privacy.
I ended up feeding him sat outside of a McDonalds reastaurant!
Barely even anyone took notice, and those that did were generally women who just smiled at me as they walked by.
I also breastfed at a party last weekend, but people were just calling me 'Earth Momma', especially when I then put him in his Mei Tai!

So, so far I've not had any bad experiences. It's still early days obviously but I do think that perhaps there shouldn't be so many of those stories in the news for mums-to-be to read as I can see how it may put off many women who would otherwise have breast fed.

TL;DR
I'm glad I persevered and breastfed my ickle babes